I'm one steamed little clam. I was just outside walking my legal adviser (formerly my tax accountant) Ignatius "tennis ball head" Reilly King-Stauffer and I was allegedly (I was counseled to use this wordage) smoking a cigarette. a petite cigar. Anyways, a man jogs about half a block to catch up to us and says in a heavy accent, "how can you do that?!" I have no idea what I've done. Did I forget to pick up some poop I didn't notice? "smoke! You are too pretty to smoke! How can you do that to yourself? You have a nice dog,too!"
I'm generally reasonably fast on my feet, but not today, friends. I just gave him the stinky fish eye and said, "okay....see you around, then" Now of course my mind is racing with comebacks that will never be. Something about how the dog shoots hot loads of meth? I hate this feeling of missed zinger opportunities.
I did however remind myself of my favorite stranger-commenting-on-smoking moment that happened to me in the FiDi sometime this past year. I was standing and he was walking and he shouts out, "Those things are going to kill you!" and keeps moving. I yell back, "that's debatable!" thinking that would be the end of it. Oh no. He comes back and says something like, "You really shouldn't do this to yourself! Look at that face! It is definitely killing you." (I'm beginning to think these scoldings are really just a San Francisco way to hit on women) and without missing a beat I say, "My face?! LOOK AT THAT SUIT! THAT is what's killing me!"
Maybe it's better in my head, but I still enjoy that one. Now that is a zinger I can live with.
I needed you a few weeks ago when I accosted outside Walmart by an old redneck... he got in my face and told me that my cell phone was going to be "growed" to my head, that I held up the whole damn line {in the parking lot mind you} because I was on it. He was a total loser. I yelled back... he really ticked me off. People gathered around and he got in my face. I asked him if always treated women this way. It was ugly. Then he huffed and puffed and walked in Walmart. Some man circled the parking lot came back and wanted to escort me in Walmart so he could beat the snot out of the man. I declined his kind offer and made my way home.
... I was on the phone with Erika and she about died wondering what on earth was going on... all I could hear was her yelling "WHO IS THAT? WHOS YELLING AT YOU? DO YOU KNOW HIM!"
People are so incredibly bold... next time you'll be ready.
Glad your back in 2010.
Posted by: Darby | 01/06/2010 at 06:00 PM
You had me at Incidents at Six Flags Parks...
Posted by: Beth Spotswood | 01/07/2010 at 11:17 PM
Most people start smoking when they are in their teens and are addicted by the time they reach adulthood. By that time, they really finding it hard to quit smoking.
Posted by: ask doctor online | 01/26/2010 at 08:54 AM
awesome. really!
Posted by: erika | 01/31/2010 at 08:41 AM